Nov 30: Today vs Tomorrow

Today vs Tomorrow

Where do you live? Past, Present, Future? 

We've probably all met someone that lives firmly in the past, reliving past glories when times were a better time of life for them. There are definitely some good memories for me in the past - "glory days" if you will. Recognition & achievements, but I promise not to digress and flip out my 10G Photo album to regale you with pics.

What brought this brain thread to mind for me today was Today vs Tomorrow - living in the present vs hoping for the future. 

Worrying About Today

Here's some thoughts from Jesus. After talking about heart attitudes in chapter 5 of Matthew and the beginning of chapter 6, he transitions into an interesting discourse on treasure. Here's some of what He has to say (edited for space. I always urge you to go read His words starting a chapter before and after any quoted passage.)

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth ... But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

“Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? .... Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  ... will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Hope for Tomorrow

Lamentations 3 

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks Him;

It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

And almost at the end of the Bible, if your hope and trust are in the work of Jesus Christ for your salvation, then, 

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He, aka Jesus, who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” ... He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. 

Back to the Past

The big deal about Christmas, the birth of Jesus, the Christ, is that God became Flesh, e.g. Incarnate. Emmanuel - God with us. 

Blessing and grace to you and yours this Advent season.

Gary

Nov 20: The Gray Layer of Life

Too dark? Do I get the one-year warranty or the lifetime warranty, or are they the same thing? 

The gray layer of life - like a never-ending Portland, OR layer of cloud cover over your life. What's that look like? 

• Maintaining a 4x a day pill regimen
• My Infusion Buddy fanny pack always at my side, at least for the next 2 weeks. 
• Pain is not if, but how much. The 1-10 Pain Scale is familiar territory. 
• Always having to check any future plans against your calendar because you cannot remember the weekly doc appts. 
• Juggling pain relief vs pain reliever consequences. 
• Fatigue is not if, but how much. 

Please don't get me wrong. There are things God shows you in this battle - about Himself and yourself and your relationship with Him that are beautiful and faith-inspiring, but it IS a battle. For in spite of it all, He IS my joy, He IS my rock, He IS my very present help in my gray layer of life. 

If you're reading this and have doubts about who God is or would like to explore the whole faith question, I'd love to have a convo with at your favorite beverage joint or just simply over the phone. 

His grace is on me. John 3:16-18

God's grace be upon you all today!

Nov 17: 19 minutes of trust

 My infusion pump pushes 0.6ml/hr of Blencyto into my vein every 19 minutes, 24/x7. It "trusts" that I'm connected, able to accept the push, and sounds an alarm if it's unable to push it to my vein. 

(2 second mechanical push sound)

Friday night that trust was broken. (2 second mechanical push sound, pump starts squawking)

Saturday, at noon, that trust was established again. 19 minutes > a 2 second mechanical pump sound > 19 minutes > a 2 second mechanical push sound > repeat. 

So... how's your connection with God, with your spouse, your community of friends, family and faith? Do you check in every 19 minutes? How often? Every relationship has a "healthy" interval and "unhealthy" interval. With people, unhealthy might be too short, e.g. dependence/enablement, like texting your spouse or friend every 6 minutes to check on them. Unhealthy - days or weeks. Some friend relationships are good with every few days or even weeks. You're probably connecting with good friends more often than not, whatever works well for the both of you. The big one, the vertical connection, e.g. you & God. How often? When do you start to get uncomfortable when you haven't checked in with God? Pray without ceasing, as Paul says. How does that even work?  Our God throughout the Old Testament and New reminds us to remember.  Jesus says many times, “It is said... which is a NT way of saying, “remember.””  

(2 second mechanical push sound)

Is there an alarm sounding in your relationships?

Grace be upon you all,

Gary

Nov 16, 2024 An Added Layer of Life

Leukemia treatment adds another layer to your life that demands your time and energy, and sometimes your money. It does not ask permission to take over and usually moves itself to top priority whenever it intervenes. 

I got tangled up in the line to my infusion pump and managed to pull the quick-disconnect loose at 2230 last night. Imagine the quick-disconnects they have on gas pump handles at the top of the gas pumps. 

BUMC has an after-hours just for oncology peeps. Trip down there and got home at 0200. (Think IV needle in chest port and about a 4' IV line to the portable infusion pump I've been carrying at my waist.

Long story short, not their finest hour. Nobody was there that could properly reconnect and restart the infusion pump. Between what the nurses have certifications for (think chemo handling protocol) to potential contamination when the connection busted and then someone with the know-how and authority to restart the flow of a powerful drug that you can't risk overdosing on.

So, waiting to hear back this morning that there's someone there that can actually do the job.

Time: So my schedule is not my own this morning. I am at the mercy of those at BUMC to sort out and figure out the next step. Time spent last night and most likely today shuttling downtown and waiting.

Energy: Draining and frustrating as I can't start any "project" today until this gets sorted out. 

Money: 2 round trips of travel costs to downtown and back. Whatever they end up charging me for breaking the pump connection/reconnect. 

Nov 5, 2024 Election Day

On this crazy election day, a song. 

Be Still My Soul

1 Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side; bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide; in every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heav'nly Friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2 Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake to guide the future as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

3 Be still, my soul; when dearest friends depart, and all is darkened in the veil of tears,

then shalt thou better know His love, His heart, who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay from His own fullness all He takes away.

4 Be still, my soul; the hour is hast'ning on when we shall be forever with the Lord,

when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past, all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

 https://youtu.be/kqKVFYD8Obc?si=liP6BzQVFF4JkGpO

Nov 2, 2024 Waves of Pain

The past 48 hours have been more challenging. 

Because I do not have an immune system, certain aspects of the body just don't heal. For example, mucus membranes and other sensitive areas of the body. Mouth sores develop because the healthy immune system and healthy white blood cells are not there to heal it. Antibiotics can keep you from getting an infection, but it doesn't coordinate the amazing design that God created in us to heal us through our immune system. Waves of pain hit me on a level 5 to 8 depending on what's kind of going on with my body at the moment. I do get respites, but I've been waking up about every hour between having to eliminate fluids from the IV or a wave of pain hitting me. I know and trust my God has a perfect plan, but in those moments of intense pain, I don't understand, and I can only cry out for His merciful touch and healing.

Treatment goes well otherwise and Monday my Blencyto level will be bumped up and they'll watch me closely for 48 hours and if no side effects pop up, then will probably send to me home with an infusion pump for the next three weeks or so. Yea!

I think this is a worthy read. 

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